28 days/weeks later

i’m sitting here watching 28 weeks later. for those of you who aren’t familiar...

[28 weeks later is the sequel to 28 days later. a government experiment goes awry when a group of PETA-loving hippies releases a shit-load of apes at a science laboratory. what they don’t know is that all the apes are infected with a virus... pure RAGE.

i shit you not.

chaos ensues and, actually, there’s an excessive amount of people forcing their thumbs through the eye sockets of someone else. i'm not sure what i did to deserve to witness such a grotesque scene more than once but that's neither here nor there.

after a period of time (i don’t know... say maybe 28 weeks!), the virus, believed to be contained, is re-released when two snot-nosed little whippersnappers get involved. mayhem breaks out again. thumbs. eyes. it’s terrible. the military calls a “code red” and orders the execution (not to be confused with 'evacuation') of all living people... infected or not. so a group of young go-getters (led by a sniper-gone-AWOL) starts making its way across the city... fighting off infected zombies AND military tough-guys. it’s a battle royale... and further evidence that hippies suck. anywho... as they’re making their way across the city, something happens and they’re forced to redirect their course a few times. no matter where they end up... whether it be a subway tunnel, a random building, or just the middle of some desolate neighborhood, the group always knows where they're going...]

and then it suddenly dawns on me...

i’m relatively new to chicago... a suburban creature at heart. if a zombie outbreak occurs in the city... i’m absolutely boned. the first turn we make, i’ll be completely lost. only this time, i won’t have my faithful computerized-companion to “recalculate” my course. and oh boy... really hopin’ the zombies don’t chase me toward the orange line... or the green line for that matter!

actually, zombies... if we could stick to the brown and red lines from now on, that’d be great. it’s been fun and all but let’s head back to the northside before someone really gets hurt.

the moral of the story... when an apocalyptic uprising of zombies starts terrorizing chicago (and they will), i'll worry about the face-bashing... but please, someone else carry the map.