the hills run red

the opening scene of ‘the hills run red’ is someone slicing the skin off their own face.

and then... 

i’m told... in text... of a controversial movie that came out in the 80’s from a one-time director.  the movie was quickly pulled from theaters due to its graphic nature and none of the cast members (director included) were ever heard from again.  and i think it said something about a trailer but i was eating taquitos so who can be sure.

after some time (about 5 seconds), i’m introduced to our leading man who is sitting at a computer watching a trailer for what i’m assuming is our controversial slasher flick.  the rumors are confirmed; a trailer exists!

it’s now 15 minutes into the movie and i’ve already seen several nipples... full sets... all belonging to women, too.  the leading man (played by tad hilgenbrink, perhaps better known for his role as little stifler in the straight-to-dvd flop ‘band camp’) plans on making a documentary... an homage, really... about the controversial movie which was appropriately, if not somewhat obviously, titled ‘the hills run red’.  at this point, he’s already tracked down the director’s daughter who (gasp) is a stripper and (gasp)... a heroin addict!  which is a classic recipe for some purposeless nudity.  there was a sprinkling of intravenous drug use and stifler’s girlfriend has already cheated on him... with his best friend!  dun-dun-dunnnnnn.  

the movie is developing at a courteous rate and we’ve already covered several of a our ‘horror flick essentials’ (also... who the fuck was slicing up their own face?)...

but before we go on, let’s review...

a sexy brunette and two best friends (both in love with said brunette) team up with a sexy blonde.  no one’s shy and we’re heading into the woods to make a documentary about a slasher film.  

well i can’t be positive but all signs point to yes.  yes... i will be entertained.

it’s a decent story line with b-movie acting (perfect!), a sizable volume of fake blood, and     a few bonus points for style (there are some gruesome fatalities).  let’s get to the nitty-gritty though.  you can have EVERY element that makes up a good slasher flick, but it doesn’t mean dick without a frightening antagonist... am i right?  my bloody valentine’s pic-axe wielding coal miner wasn’t remotely scary (even in 3-D),  jason voorhees... well jason voorhees couldn’t swim, and then there’s my personal favorite, gary busey as a murderous gingerbread man in ‘gingerdead man’. aaaaand that one pretty much insults itself.  but in this movie, the image lurking in the night is that of a big beast of a man who has sewn the face of a baby doll to his own.  yea... i’m gonna have to give it a 7 on the creepiness scale because smiling babies and murder just don’t mix.  

all of that being said, i was definitely entertained by this movie.  yup... thoroughly entertained until the last 5 seconds.  the ending was teeeeeerrible!  it left me with more questions than bible class did when i was 13.  i’ll bite my tongue though... i’d hate to spoil such a poorly thought-out conclusion to an otherwise captivating movie.  

after-thought: this movie DID go straight to dvd so a brilliant ending was somewhat out-of-the-question.  i’d pirate this movie though... fo’sh.